Should I be panicking??

First and foremost, Happy Black History Month! Secondly, it’s been a minute since I last blogged on here and that’ll change this year-I promise 🙂

Let’s get to it! A few short months ago, a new milestone came for me and I entered a new decade of life. Usually around this time, most people I’ve witnessed in some way panic about not feeling accomplished enough or feeling behind or inadequate in some way.

I can’t say I haven’t had some version of Stockholm Syndrome, but at the same time and very proud of where I am in life. Though, there are goals I have yet to achieve and cross off my list.

Not long after turning 30, I did something else that folks would probably think is crazy; I put in a two week notice to leave a salaried job to return to freelancing.

It was freeing, I’m back doing what I really want, back to a different type of hustle. The downside is obviously leaving behind a consistent check versus multiple checks that come at various times. Can I say I was secure in what I had before? Absolutely not. I still had to look for and do other gigs on the side from time to time to compensate for living out in LA.

Leaving a salaried position to go back to freelance may look crazy to you, but it gave me the freedom to do as much as I’d like. When you’re in a contract and can’t accept other work, that can be a bit of a gamble and maybe even bring on some regret.

I had to remember, I didn’t move out here to be (or stay) in survival mode.

I momentarily forgot my WHY

Multiple streams of income is cool, but I can’t forget why I got to this position. It’s nice being able to train in dance, work gigs with ESPN again, and of course juggle dayplaying with film and tv.

On the flip side…I’ve been crying a lot more. As if there’s not already plenty going on in the world, everything just seems so overwhelming. It’s kind of scary seeing all these deaths happening back to back and I’m not near family. It just feels like life is getting shorter and shorter.

“Will all my loved ones be here to witness me get married? Will they witness me having children? Other milestones in my life and career?”

There’s also this FOMO I experience for things I’ve prayed for for YEARS and still have yet to witness. It hurts, but at the same time I have to remember how far I’ve come, and really sit still to realize how much has happened for me career wise and on a personal level.

I wanted to keep waiting and publish this blog once I had a “happy ending”, but that’s still in progress. Nothing has ended because I’m still going. Hoping this inspires you to keep going and once you get a moment to be still, try to reflect and keep in mind that you’re much further than you realize. Our journeys aren’t meant to “compete” with each other. Go at your own pace. Take everything one day at a time. Be PROUD of yourself…your growth…your wins, no matter how big or small.

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